Non-violent communication: how to communicate without hurting the other person’s feelings? 

What is non-violent communication or NVC?

Non-violent communication is a theory developed by the American psychologist and teacher Marshall Rosenberg. He devoted much of his life to the development and study of communication, how it occurs and what can disrupt or spoil it, whether between peers or in relationships of authority or responsibility.

Rosenberg wanted to answer a question he had been asking himself since he was young: ‘What disconnects us from our caring nature and leads us to behave in violent and abusive ways?’.

 If we want to live in harmony and stability, what leads us to betray these values? Aware of the natural goodness of human beings, he experimented and perfected an effective method of communication using respectful language as a vehicle for relating with others. Human beings have a superior aptitude to other living beings, so the language we use to communicate with others should not be offensive or hurtful.

NVC focuses on identifying and expressing these needs clearly and respectfully, thus fostering effective and nurturing communication.

Tips on how to maintain respectful communication

• Be empathetic. It implies understanding and sympathising with the experiences and feelings of others in a non-judgmental way.
• Avoid judgment and blame. Replace judgment and blame with objective facts.  Maintain active listening, validating the other person's emotions, and creating mutual understanding.
• Expressing our needs clearly and directly, without verbally attacking the other, being transparent, avoiding manipulation or emotional coercion.

Practical tools for practising NVC

• Observe: Look at the objective facts by observing without judging and creating common ground for effective communication.
• Be aware of your emotions and express them openly and honestly.
• Don't demand: Make clear requests, setting out concrete guidelines for action.