Personal acceptance: keys for good self-esteem

From early childhood, the environment you grow up in offers information on whether what you do is good or useful, who you are and how you are. These concepts lay the foundations of the concept each of us has of ourselves.

Self-knowledge is a double-edged sword: on one side it has much to do with a human being’s progress, as it enables them to regulate their behaviour and that of others, to learn from the past, to predict forthcoming experiences and to transmit knowledge. But on the other hand, it makes suffering inevitable if certain aspects are not accepted, if the negative value of a moment is increased or if one tends to anticipate a difficult future.

ASPECTS WHICH AGGRAVATE PERSONAL DISSATISFACTION 

Developing a good self-concept is not easy. Accepting both the personal traits we like and those we don’t is difficult, because acknowledging something is not the same as accepting it. The most representative traits are:

 •  Social and cultural factors: today’s society promotes an ideal linked to highself-esteem, attractiveness and personal competence. 

•  Family and school models: education styles based on criticism and teasing make people more vulnerable.

Living in harmony with oneself is the main task of the human being

• Personal characteristics: insecurity, low self-esteem, difficulties in becoming independent, feeling useless, etc. These factors encourage negativity.

• Flight responses when faces with difficult situations: avoiding uncomfortable situations, feelings of dissatisfaction and shame about personal fulfilment.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO OVERCOME IT?

When you see what you don’t like about yourself, when you focus on your good or bad image, on whether you’re less intelligent than others or unluckier, for example, you need some tips on personal development. Gael Lindenfield suggests some ideas on the subject.

• Revise objectives you wish to achieve and make sure they are realistic: sometimes you aim to be like someone you admire or like others want you to be, instead of trying to improve your own personality.

• Analyse your own strengths and weaknesses: some exercises, such as thinking of three occasions in the last six months that made you feel good and on which your self-esteem was high, and three other occasions on which you felt unstable, can help you to pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses.

• Consolidate your strengths: often you feel bad because you aren’t using your capabilities, having forgotten them in your obsession for weaknesses and difficulties. Reviewing and reminding yourself of your strengths, by recalling your personal achievements, can improve self-esteem.

• Strengthen your weaknesses: undoubtedly, everyone must accept and live with some qualities which are inferior to others. It’s important to make sure you are not magnifying them and putting them in the limelight in your life. Accept the positive aspects of your weaknesses (‘my controlled shyness does not prevent me from interacting, and enables me to observe better and to listen’).

• Equip yourself with the necessary ‘fuel’ to boost self-esteem:

- A nutritious, balanced diet.
- Oxygen from exercise and fresh air.
- Creative and intellectually stimulating activities.
-Motivating, stimulant reactions from others.

Living in harmony with oneself is the main task of the human being; we are biologically prepared to confront very difficult situations and to adapt to changes, but for these battles it’s important not to carry the ‘enemy’ inside ourselves.