Self-improvement or perfectionism?

It is always positive to want to excel and want to go further and succeed, and seizing opportunities to improve yourself is a good way to do so. However, this doesn’t mean being a perfectionist or demanding too much of yourself.

Self-improvement and progress does not necessarily imply achieving the best result; it must include accepting errors and mistakes as part of the process, not as failures. It mustn’t imply demanding the maximum of yourself in all areas of life: academically, in family life, professionally, in sport, etc.

WHY DO WE DEMAND SO MUCH OF OURSELVES?

We want to be the best of the class, to excel at sport, to be promoted to management at work, to keep fit and maintain a cheerful image and juggle all these activities with successful family dynamics.

 Today’s society imposes high performance standards and pushes us to do things quickly and effectively while being as productive and efficient as possible. It values excellence above all, rewards those who manage to stand out and generates a feeling of failure around less striking results, although they may not be bad ones.

Self-improvement and progress does not necessarily imply achieving the best result

We strive to stand out because those who achieve it receive much recognition, and because those who do not are losers. This results in a lifestyle with never-ending schedules full of activities in which we have to be the best.

This frenetic activity is the road to the impossible, to the unreachable. This way, it is easy to feel depressed and anxious, because by focusing on exceptional results and disregarding intermediate achievements, the emotional pressure you live with does nothing but increase.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

It is a good idea to stop every now and then and think about whether you enjoy life or if on the contrary, you expect too much of yourself and of others. You have to learn to differentiate healthy expectations from unhealthy ones. It is time to re-evaluate goals when:

• You overexert yourself until you reach the goal.

• You do not assess the personal and emotional costs in involves, nor their proportion.

• You do not allow errors or mistakes.

• You need to project a personal image of yourself as a winner.

• You reject or try to hide your own vulnerabilities.

• You do not allow yourself to stop now and then.

• You want everyone to behave the way you think is correct.

It is a good idea to remind yourself that if you live your life obsessed by your final success and by outdoing others, this pressure can slow down your performance and prevent you from enjoying your achievements. 

4 STEPS TO CONTROL PERFECTIONISM

• Observe yourself
Learn to recognise signs and symptoms which indicate emotional pressure, and redirect the set goals. 

• Prioritise
Be aware that your time and strength are limited: you must therefore establish a hierarchy of your goals.

• Make decisions
Admit that you do not have the same skills for all activities, choose projects and goals depending on their importance and determine a specific time limit within which to achieve them.

• Develop self-compassion
Personal improvement must include, besides reaching specific goals, living happily and enjoying what has been achieved. You need to be compassionate to yourself, towards your skills and your limitations, to aim at a balance and to allow yourself to make mistakes.